Megan Series
by Only-Freakin-Sunflowers
Summary: 8 different ways Megan's homecoming could go.
1. Memorial Day - 1

**A/N~** **This is the first piece in a series I'm going to be writing through the hiatus that I'm calling the Megan Series.**

 **Basically, what the Megan Series will be are 8 (at least, for now) separate fics that map out different ways Megan coming home could go; because there are so many possibilities, so many different variables, and I want to dabble into all of them, I love options! If there's anything you wanna see specifically, come talk to me!**

 **So this is the first one. In this fic, you'll notice she's pretty quiet and reluctant towards talking or physical contact. Personally, I feel this is fairly realistic :) Anyways, enjoy or something!**

 **(I am only-freakin-sunflowers on Tumblr too and posting this there as well).**

 **Memorial Day: Megan Series #1**

There were 365 days in a year. Only a small handful of those days were celebrated with fireworks.

Today was one of those days. Today was also the day that Megan finally got to leave the hospital and go home. Wrong freaking day for fireworks, God.

For anyone else, fireworks could symbolize… positivity, and celebration. But to anyone that's ever spent time in a war zone, they just sound like gunshots. And when you're in a warzone, and you're hearing gunshots, chances are they're aiming for you. Loud bangs no longer symbolize positivity and celebration, they symbolize fear and the worst time of your life.

"Can't you just keep her here one more night?" Owen asks. Amelia stands beside him, every few seconds moving her eyes from her husband to her new sister in law, sitting up in bed and tracing the bruises on her skinny legs. "She's comfortable here."

"She hates it here," the nurse disputes. "Going home will help her feel more comfortable; it's a less controlled and more natural environment, which should lessen her anxiety."

"Lessen her anxiety?" Owen shoots back. "It isn't her home she's going back to, it's just a house. We don't know where home is for her right now. And tonight the sky's going to be filled with loud noises that will remind her of a war zone; there's no lessening her anxiety tonight."

The nurses here called it Witching Hour, whenever there was fireworks. Almost all of the patients hated the fireworks, because Owen was right, they sounded like gunshots. Patients like Megan were the worst of them, they'd spent the past ten years of their lives hearing this stuff, and just when they'd thought they'd gotten away from it… Memorial Day happened.

"Owen," Amelia suggests quietly. Her voice distracts him from quarreling with the nurse, for one. "What if we took her to your mom's house instead? That's the house you guys grew up in, right?"

Owen nods. "She would remember it," he notes, "I would hope."

"She remembered you, and Evelyn," Amelia reminds him. "Those were big steps. It's the house she lived in for twenty years, how could she just forget it?"

"She's been a prisoner for ten, that's how," Owen answers grimly. It was true, so far she hadn't had any deficits with her memory– she could recognize objects, and her family. They could only hope she remembered where she came from too. "They aren't going to let us keep her here. We have to go. You think the fireworks would wake her up, if she were to fall asleep?"

"I… I don't know, Owen," Amelia admits. "Probably. Would they wake you up?"

He nods, regretfully. "From miles away," he mutters. "Noises like that, in war they mean danger. You don't sleep through danger. But I don't know what's going on in her mind right now. I can't be certain of anything she will or won't do."

"That's okay," Amelia tells him, comforting him the best she can with her words and her hands. "We'll just have to find out."

"You ready to go home, Meg?" Owen asks gently, stepping into the room.

She doesn't even acknowledge that she heard him. The first day she was here, she did that so much one of the doctors ordered a hearing test. She could hear, she just chose not to listen. She just stayed staring at her feet. She hadn't listened or spoken much in days; not to Owen, not to her mom, not to Amelia, a woman she barely knew. But she barely knew any of them anymore.

Owen glances at the nurse before speaking again. "Megan, we're going home," he says, "To Mom's."

The nurse pushes a wheelchair towards them. "Do you need help?" he asks. When he's meant with simple wordlessness, he takes a step towards her and tries to put a hand on her arm, against his better judgment.

She still has the reflexes she used to. He'd always been able to wrestle with her as a kid, even though she was half his size, cause she could handle it. She would just hit him right back, and damn quick too.

"Okay," the nurse steps in, coming between the siblings. "One step at a time," she tells Owen, under her breath. She'd told him time and time again that he had to take things slowly, he had to respect his sister's need for space right now. Time was distance, ten years was miles. They were miles apart right now, and he had to learn to live with that. Not to mention her hesitancy, and sometimes blatant hostility, towards physical contact with anyone at all. He just had to be patient, and gentle.

Evelyn was almost too gentle, and Owen hated it. She acted like her daughter was stupid. Stupid was one thing his sister never was. No one could blame her though, because no one knew how to act.

"Can I invite Nathan over?" Evelyn asks, to no one in particular. "All my kids under one roof," she smiles, eyeing the three at the table. It had been a long time since she was able to say that, and now that group included Amelia too. She'd gained two kids recently. "Meg, are you okay with me calling Nathan over? He always liked my soup."

Megan answered non-verbally, getting up from the table and walking away. "Should I not call him?" Evelyn asks. "She seemed upset by my asking."

"It's probably just a lot for her," Amelia buds in. "Just, a lot of people, a lot of new surroundings… She's probably just overwhelmed."

"Nathan would just add to that," Owen points out. "I don't want him to expect things from her. I don't want him to expect his fiance back. I didn't get my sister back, you didn't get your daughter back, he doesn't get his fiance back."

Evelyn nods acceptingly. "Can someone go make sure she's okay?" she asks.

"She needs space, Mom," Owen answers shortly. "Just leave her, leave her alone."

Then there's a small, scared scream upstairs, and Evelyn glares at her son. "Can someone go check on her now?" she asks, her temper low.

"I'll go," Amelia says quickly. They both needed a minute to calm down; everyone in this house did, really.

She climbs the stairs slowly to find Megan in her old room. At least, she can guess that's what this room is. The furniture's dated and dusty, the blue walls haven't seen sunlight in years. The lights are off, and there's shattered glass on the floor. The light bulb had blown, Megan was the last person to have turned it on successfully, over ten years ago. Evelyn had shut the door and never opened it, so it would be there waiting in the unlikely event her daughter ever came home.

"It's okay," Amelia tells her, reassuringly. "I'll go get the broom."

She's gone for a total of three seconds, having gone into the laundry room and coming back. When she came back, Megan's sitting on the floor sobbing. Amelia sits beside her quietly, not making any attempt to comfort her with physical touch or words. If she wants to be alone, that's okay, but it doesn't mean she has to be lonely. She isn't sure how long they sit there in silence, but it was enough time to let the last lights outside dim for the night and give way to the absolute unsureness of night.

And the sounds of the fireworks starting. So much for the calm.

"Go upstairs," Evelyn instructs him, not looking away from the soup, hearing the first few bangs and booms. "Take care of your sister, and be careful yourself. And be nice to your wife."

Owen nods quickly, taking long strides towards the stairs. For right now, he'd have to pretend that fireworks didn't bother him too, put him back in the Iraq War and seven years in his past. It wasn't him about him right now.

Upstairs, Megan had heard them. She jumped and looked at Amelia; Amelia saw genuine fear in her eyes. "What the fuck was that?!" she asks her. When they keep going, so does she. "We have to get out of here, they're gonna come! They're gonna come and they'll hurt us, they'll shoot us! I don't want to get shot again!"

Amelia would be lying if she said her heart didn't sink a little when Megan said she didn't want to get shot _again_ , but that was the most she'd heard her speak in days. She puts her hands on her sister in law's shoulders, and for once she doesn't try to get away. "Megan, it's okay," she starts, "No one's coming."

Owen bursts through the closed door at exactly the wrong moment, and his sister screams. "It's just me," he answers carefully, closing the door behind him. "Megan, it's me."

"Are you okay?" Amelia asks him, her hand reaching for his arm.

He nods hastily. "I'll be okay," he tells her. "I get… agitated, is all. I knew they were coming, they didn't catch me off guard, but I can't help it."

Amelia nods. "It's okay," she tells him, then darts her eyes back to Megan as there's another bang outside.

"Meg, come here," Owen starts gently, sitting on her bed.

Hesitantly, she does. She accepts his open arms, and they actually feel relieving right now. Owen doesn't like how she feels differently than she used to, thinner and smaller, but he takes what he can get. Having his little sister in his arms again, after thinking he'd lost her forever, is a feeling he can't describe, even if it isn't the feeling he was expecting. Every time there was a noise and she'd recoil, he'd hug her just a bit tighter, give a little more love. "They're just fireworks, Meg," he tells her. He looks to his wife. "Amelia, would you mind going to ask Mom if the soup's ready?" He just wants a minute alone with his sister. He loves his wife, but he needs this moment.

"You wanna see them?" Owen asks. He can see them peeking out behind the houses out the window, if they went and looked, it would probably be a good show. "They're beautiful."

She shakes her head. "They make horrible sounds," she says softly. "Like guns."

"Yeah, they sound like guns," Owen agrees. "But they're not. They're good, they're pretty. They're for a celebration, it's Memorial Day. It's meant to celebrate and congratulate the military on their sacrifices."

"Let's celebrate with things that sound like guns," Megan mumbles. "What a great idea, make us feel like we never left war."

Owen lets her cuddle closer in self-pity for a second. "You left, you came home," he reminds her. "You're safe here." He couldn't say any more without making his guilty too painfully obvious. She could've been here and safe a lot sooner, if he hadn't given up. He hoped she didn't resent him for that. He could live with resenting himself, but he wasn't sure if he could live with her resentment on top of that. "Safe just like we were when we'd go to the park with dad and watch the fireworks and feed the ducks."

It's as if that memory reaches into a deep place in Megan's mind, where that memory rested, and fishes out a smile. It's the first time Owen's seen her real smile since he saw her ten years ago, and it makes him smile too. His sister isn't so lost after all, she's right here, somewhere underneath the insecurity and unfamiliarity.

"I miss Dad," she whispers. "He used to make me feel the safest of all." She sits up a little more so she could look Owen in the eyes. Those eyes were still the same, even though the rest of him had changed with time, as she was sure she had too. She knew for the fact, though, that time had hardened her. She couldn't decide if her brother had hardened or softened. If possible, maybe both. "You remind me of him," she says. "You're all grown up. And you're caring, you care for Mom and your wife, she seems like she's really nice and you really love her, I can tell. And you're taking care of me right now, even though I know you're scared too."

He sighs. He's been tuning out the noise outside to focus on his sister, but yeah, he wasn't the most comfortable right now. "It's okay," he tells her. "I'm okay. And one day you'll be okay too."

She seems at peace with that, squeezing him tight one more time.

When they're together, the fireworks don't seem so bad anymore. Maybe that's the way the rest of their lives could go; together, it wouldn't be so bad.


	2. Everyone Be Quiet - 2

**Megan Series #3- Everyone Be Quiet**

A/N~ Hello, I'm back in the swing of things after a strenuous last month of senior year! This is the second installment my Megan Series. I don't want to say anymore, other than the fact that I was super stoked to write this one even though it was a challenge and enjoy or something xo

Consider this a Trigger Warning. Self inflicted gunshot wound. Suicide note and suicidal ideology. Please be warned I don't want anyone to be hurting tonight. I love you, be careful. XO.

...

Amelia sighs, drumming her fingers against the desk to keep her awake. It's been a very long and sleepless few days. "You can start whenever you're ready, Amelia," the doctor says, sitting across from her with crossed legs, waiting patiently with a clipboard and pen.

"Her biggest complaint was that everything was too noisy, she just wanted everything to be quiet. She was always looking for that quiet."

...

"You're not kidding, we can just take her home?" Owen asked, looking through the window at his sister.

"We can't lock her away from the world just because of what's happened to her," the psychiatrist argues.

"Why can't we?" Nathan interrupts. "I don't like the idea of her being 'locked up' as you call it, but I don't like the idea of her being out in the world any less. What if she's not ready?"

"She needs to reintegrate," the psychiatrist explains. "We need to push her out of her comfort zone, which I feel comfortable doing. She's doing very well, believe it or not."

"You don't think she's in shock? Wouldn't you be?" Nathan asks again. Amelia puts her hand on his shoulder, a gesture to quiet him.

"I think we should be glad," the doctor finishes. "She is lucky. With what she's been through, she could have much larger side effects, more than just agitation and post traumatic stress. We can send her home with medication and scheduled sessions, and she can start the next chapter of her life as a free woman. With your support, obviously."

They all nod. "Of course," Owen answers. "Thank you."

...

"I understand why they recommended outpatient therapy," Owen nods, "To get her reacquainted with the world that she'd fallen out of."

...

Megan flips through the radio stations aimlessly. She didn't recognize any of these songs, and they all sounded the same to her, with a sound she didn't like. Eventually, she just got frustrated and turned the radio off completely.

There were so many buttons in the car, so many fancy knobs and screens and things she didn't know how to use. She didn't understand what was wrong with the way cars used to be; they still got you where you needed to go back then, without all the unnecessary noise. That seemed to be a common theme, noise. Everything made so much of it, everything was so loud. She wondered if her mom had gotten rid of her old car, her tan Toyota Camry.

"Hey," she says randomly, as they're stopped at a light. "Mr. Norm's ice cream isn't there anymore. It's a dentist's office now."

Owen and Nathan share a glance, as Owen clears his throat. "Mr. Norm died."

"What do you mean Mr. Norm died?! He was young," Megan argues, turning around to look at them.

Nathan shrugs. "Heart attacks strike at any age…"

"So they turned it into a dentist's office," Megan mumbles, turning back around. "Is Pizza Dee's still here?"

When she's met with silence, she knows the answer. "Is anything still here?" she sighs. "It just looks like everyone's packed up and left."

"The Logranos still live next store," Evelyn buds in. "Their little girl graduated high school last year. Remember you used to babysit her, Meg?"

Megan nods. "I can't remember her name, though," she admits. Truth was, she barely remembered her at all.

"Shelby," Evelyn tells her, as they pull into their street.

The street still looked old fashioned in comparison to some areas they'd driven through, which brought Megan a little bit of comfort. "Did you sell my car, Mom?" she finally asks.

"Yes, Megan," Evelyn answers. "I'm sorry dear."

"It's fine," Megan shrugs. She hadn't expected any less; no one thought she was coming home.

"I didn't clean your room, though," Evelyn tells her. "It's still the way you left it, all I did was change the sheets."

"Thanks, Mom," Megan smiles. "If you guys don't mind I'm going to go up there and go to sleep. Wake me up for dinner?"

"Of course, sweetie," Evelyn nods. She never thought she'd hear her daughter call her Mom again, it was something she had greatly missed. She was just glad to have her back.

...

"She never seemed quite happy at home, nothing felt right. She said it felt like she'd just stepped into someone else's life, because everything was so different," Nathan says, staring into space.

...

Even the sound of utensils clinking against plates felt loud to her. And people's voices– her brother's was still the same as it used to be, and Nathan's smooth, slick accent hadn't changed either, but her mom's voice had aged and that unsettled her.

"John should be here soon," her mom says, coming back to the table.

"Who's… John?" Megan asks, wondering if she's, again, forgotten someone.

Evelyn pauses, and looks to her son for backup. "I'm in a relationship with him, sweetie. He's a very nice man, I think you'll really like him, eventually."

Megan doesn't say anything at all for a moment. "I just can't believe you moved on, that's all," she finally says. "I will try to like him." She doesn't want to argue. She's tired. "And, Owen, I see you moved on too," she notes, looking at Amelia. "I don't mind her," she adds after a moment. "She's kinda loud, though."

Owen nods, smiling towards his wife, as Megan looks at Nathan. "Did you move on too?"

Everyone glances slowly at Nathan, who almost chokes on his drink. The silence was all she needed, but she wanted him to answer anyways. "Just recently, actually," he nods. "I kinda gave up on you ever coming home."

"Apparently everyone did," Megan agrees softly. "It's fine."

...

"I have to admit, we did hover," Evelyn nods truthfully. "But it was because we were worried about her. And I know that she thought we were the ones acting different, but it went both ways, you know."

...

"Megan," Evelyn says softly, following her daughter up to her room.

"Could you please give me a minute?" Megan asks. "I just– one minute, please."

Evelyn waits outside the closed door quietly. "If you're going to go to bed change your clothes," she instructs her.

Megan slumps down against her bed and onto the dusty shag rug. The dust discolors the navy scrub pants Amelia had given her to wear home from the hospital. She should put her own clothes on, but she knew they wouldn't fit. She'd lost so much weight, since being gone. Even she had to admit her body felt and looked different, and she could tell in the way people looked at her too. Sitting here, she can see her reflection in the full length mirror across the room; a sad and frail bird of a girl in clothes too big for her and a life too big for her.

Her mom comes in after a few moments and sits down beside her. She pulls the loose sweater over her daughter's skinny limbs and moves a strand of her long, frizzy hair. One day, maybe her daughter would be the woman she remembered her being, the one that she had lost; or at least look like her. But that day was not today, and that dream was far from a reality.

...

"She slept a lot," Amelia nods, remembering. "It was quiet, I guess, it was something she could understand without feeling drained. If only it were that easy though, right?" She pauses. "She used to have episodes, at night."

...

The first time was the scariest. Three nights after her return, they'd all finally stopped worrying so much and getting sleep themselves. Then they woke up to a glass-shattering scream.

Actually, Owen and Amelia woke up to the phone ringing. Evelyn was calling them and panicking, because she didn't know how to console her daughter, who thought a car alarm going off outside was a bomb waiting to explode and kill her and her mom. Her surroundings had turned on her very quickly, her mind was playing tricks on her. If only she knew that.

Amelia sat on the front steps in her pajamas while Owen put his hands on his sister's shoulders, looked her in the eyes and told her, "It's okay. You're home and you're safe. Nothing here will hurt you, except yourself. You can go back to sleep, it's safe." And when she wouldn't move, he scooped her up bridal style and brought her back to bed.

They wish they could say that only happened once.

...

"The doctors said it was normal, the way she was acting," Evelyn frets, "but we should've known. That wasn't normal, not for our girl."

...

"She doesn't eat, she's having trouble sleeping, she's gotten so quiet," Evelyn mentions, her eyes not straying from her daughter as she talks on the phone with her doctor. "I thought she'd be getting better, not worse."

"She's coping," the doctor reminds her, "the only way she knows how to. There's no wrong or right way. You have to let her go through the motions."

Evelyn hesitates. "It just doesn't feel right," she argues.

"What's she doing right now?" the doctor asks.

Megan's sitting at the desk with the computer, Evelyn can see her hesitantly pushing buttons and moving the mouse, typing slowly and methodically. "She's trying to use the computer," she tells the doctor.

"She's making an effort to connect with the times," the doctor points out. "She's trying, that's all we can ask for. You're worrying too much."

She wasn't having too much difficulty– she could manage a simple google search and clicking on a craigslist ad. Just like cars, computers were frivolous nowadays, but people were still selling things for much cheaper than their value on craigslist. Craigslist was coming through for her one last time right now.

...

"We saw it as an accomplishment, a step in the right direction; the day she wanted to go out on her own," Owen nods. He remembers it with so much detail.

...

"Owen," Megan asks, coming down the stairs. "Can I borrow your truck?"

Owen's caught off guard by the question. "Where do you wanna go? I can go with you."

"I need to go buy clothes, and… lady products," she admits.

He nods, understandingly. "Do you want Amelia to come with you? She'll be home soon," he offers.

"Oh, no, no need to worry her," Megan argues, her eyes lining up with the floor. She can't look her brother in the eyes while she lies to him. "I won't be long."

He nods again and takes his keys from his pocket. "Be careful."

...

"I hate it when they compare her to the way she used to be," Amelia admits. "I don't think it's fair, and I get why it drove her crazy, it'd drive me crazy too."

...

She wasn't lying completely, she did have to stop at the drugstore and buy lady products. It makes her feel a little bit normal too, it's all in the little things. She's musing about this while she wanders the aisles, until she's interrupted by a voice approaching her.

"Megan Hunt, I'll be damned," the guy laughs.

She looks at the guy with a confused face. She doesn't recognize his face, or his voice, or anything about him, so why does he know her?

He laughs and reaches out his hand. "Ah, don't worry, I didn't expect you to remember me," he says. "Landon Haynes, we graduated high school together. I thought you moved away or something, I haven't seen you since graduation. And I wouldn't be surprised, you were always too much for this town."

Well, now this town's too much for me, Megan thinks. "I did, move away," she tells him, awkwardly tucking her hair behind her ear. "Uh, far away. I went to med school, and then… yeah."

"I've seen your brother around, he works at Grey-Sloan, right? Big shot," Landon laughs. "You look different… grown up, you know? Guess we all grew up, we're not kids anymore. It was nice seeing you."

She nods. "Nice seeing you too," she lies.

...

"When she came home that day I should've been paying more attention. I should've asked what she bought, where she went," Evelyn says. "I should've paid attention to a lot more things, in hindsight," she mumbles.

...

She came back home without saying a word, trying not to draw attention to herself. Owen would just make a scene, if he were even home. Then she hears someone come down the stairs.

"Wow," the voice exclaims. It's her new sister in law, not her brother. "That's a change."

Megan runs her hand through her new, short hair. "I needed a change," she nods. "A fresh start." A distraction, from what she'd really bought; not at the store today, but on Craigslist a few days prior. She'd picked it up today, from some guy in a cafe, after handing him a hundred dollars cash.

Amelia nods. "I get it," she tells her. "It looks nice." She leaves it at that. "Owen told me you went shopping too."

"I don't fit in my old clothes," Megan tells her. Or my old life.

That's when Owen comes downstairs. "You were out a really long time," he starts, before he notices her haircut. "Whoa. That's… a rash decision if I've ever seen one."

"I needed a change," she says, the same way she told Amelia, only a little more defensively.

"So the answer was to cut all your hair off? Megan, c'mon, really?" Owen asks, crossing his arms.

Megan shrugs, crossing her arms just like him. "Why not? Stop being so dramatic about it."

"I'm the dramatic one?" Owen scoffs, before looking to his wife to back him up. Amelia doesn't offer him much, though. "It's harmless," she points out. "If it's what she wants, whatever."

Owen huffs. "I just think it was a rash decision to gain some control over something."

"So what if it was?" Megan bursts. "Maybe it was an attempt to gain control of something, but so what?! Maybe I need some control, over anything, some power!"

"What are we fighting about?" Evelyn asks, standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at her fighting children, like she'd down so many times before. "Stop yelling, both of you. What's done is done. Megan, it's a big change; Owen, it's not worth making a fuss over. Okay?"

Both of them huff, they can't argue with their mother, they've never been able to. "Alright," Owen eventually agrees.

"I'm going to bed," Megan mumbles, taking her bags with her and starting up the stairs. "Bye Mom, I love you," she says, after a split second of hesitation. "Bye Owen, bye Amelia."

...

"I wish I'd remembered the last thing I said to her, that's all," Owen admits.

...

Evelyn had left the door unlocked for him, fortunately. He didn't want to run the risk that Megan wouldn't let him in. He wouldn't blame her. They'd been on icy terms since her return.

"Meg," Nathan calls out, standing at the front door. "C'mon, we gotta go. Sorry I'm late, I don't want you to be late too."

Silence. Utter, complete silence. "Meg? You awake?" He doesn't want to startle her; waking up to someone in your house was scary for anyone, nevermind someone who'd been having PTSD episodes that kept her from sleeping very often. "Megan?"

Nothing could've prepared him for what he found upon going upstairs. No amount of med school, or military experience, or life experience, could have prepared him for finding what he found. With shaky hands, he picked up the note resting on the bloodied bedspread.

 _"I'm sorry, I just couldn't do it. I've been strong for so long, I thought it would end when I finally came home. But it doesn't end. I'm never enough, and apparently I'm not strong enough either. This world's too loud, too big, and come too far, without me. Just the way it has for the past ten years, it'll keep going on without out me, don't you worry. I love you, and I'm sorry, it was just too loud for me. -Megan"_

Nathan lets out the sob he'd been containing; it wasn't like the release would wake her up. He was positive she was dead– you couldn't sustain a gunshot wound to the head, lose that much blood, and survive. She knew that too. She made sure she would die; she knew the only thing worse than killing yourself, was trying to kill yourself. He just didn't want to believe she wanted to die. He couldn't. He'd just gotten her back, they had all just gotten her back, and now they'd lost her again, for good this time.

...

"I just wish we'd all been quiet, like she'd wanted," Nathan concludes, his voice and his mind far, far away. "Maybe we would've noticed, maybe we wouldn't be here. Cause I mean, we're all quiet now. But, I guess it's too late."


	3. Sanctuary - 3

**Megan Series #4**

"Dad…"

The little, wanting voice, sticky with a little bit of Nutella, pulled Owen from his thoughts. "Yes, babe?"

His daughter, sitting across the table from him, takes another bite of her sandwich before talking with her mouth full. Despite being distracted by her food, her question is important to her. "Why don't we see Aunty Megan more offen?"

Owen takes a deep, contemplative breath. He isn't quite sure how to explain this to his pint-sized little girl. "We've talked about this before, Thea," he starts. "Aunt Megan lives in a special home, and sometimes she can have visitors, and sometimes she can't. It's like visiting hours at the hospital, sort of."

"But she's not in the hopsicle," Thea argues. It is true, Owen has to agree, however an assisted living home isn't much different sometimes.

"It's not a hospital, you're right," Owen tells her. "But it's sort of like one. Aunt Megan needs help sometimes, and she needs medicine, so the special home is good for her, there will always be someone there to help her."

"We could help her here?" Thea suggests. "I miss her sometimes."

Owen nods. "I miss her too, babe. I'm gonna see if we can visit her soon, okay? In the meantime, do you want me to tell you a story about her?"

Thea nods, her interest piqued.

"Well, I remember the first time she met you," Owen starts…

"Nothing's calming her down," Teddy points out, as Megan's doctor.

"Yeah, I can hear," Owen nods. Thus far, they've been tuning out the sound of his sister's persistent, intent screams. They can't be sure why she's screaming, but hopefully the psych team that was in there now with her could help them figure it out. As far as they could tell, she wasn't screaming in pain. That was all they could rule out. Owen shakes his head, willing the noise to stop.

Teddy can see he's stressed, and she is too; but she doesn't know what to do to fix it. "She's gotta stop eventually, right?" she tries. "She'll lose her voice eventually."  
That wasn't really what Owen wanted to hear, it just stressed him out more.

"What do you do when your daughter screams, how do you get her to quiet down?" Teddy asks.  
"This isn't the same thing," Owen argues, borderline amused. "I can't quiet my sister the same way I'd quiet my infant."  
"I mean…" Teddy starts, shrugging.  
"What if I put the two of them together?" Owen suggests.  
"What?" Teddy asks in response. "You want to bring your sister your baby? I don't think that's a good idea, Owen. Thea needs calm, and constructive, and... Megan just needs a tranquilizer."  
"Megan loved babies," Owen reasons. "She babysat from when she was a preteen all the way until she left for Iraq. And Thea's her niece, she would love her, that's who she is, underneath it all. She's a lover."  
Teddy nods gently, sliding a hand onto Owen's back. "We're hoping she still is," she agrees. "I agree, she would've loved Thea."  
"Teddy, she's still the same person," Owen tells her. "It's been a while. She's been through hell. But that's who she is, I don't think anything could change that."  
"If you're willing to put your baby in that situation," Teddy mumbles, "On Megan's end I will allow it. You just have to hope your wife agrees to it."

-

"No way," Amelia argues, rocking her baby against her chest.  
"Amelia, she would never hurt her," Owen protests.  
"She is sick, Owen," Amelia contests. "She is showing major signs of psychosis and you're just willing to hand her our child?"  
"She's my sister, Amelia. She is Thea's aunt," Owen reminds her, his voice low.  
"We are not sure what she is capable of right now," Amelia responds, her voice even lower. "I am just thinking about what is best for our child. I'm sorry that your sister– who I am very glad will one day have the chance to meet her niece– is not the answer to that."  
Owen huffs. He doesn't have a response right now. He wishes she were wrong, but quite frankly she isn't. "Please can we just try?" he argues faintly. "I know, with my whole heart, that she would never hurt our daughter, and I think Thea could really, really help her, it could lead to a breakthrough, or at the very least a little bit of peace. Please, can we just try?"  
Amelia seems to soften a little, still rocking her daughter gently. "You'll stay with them the whole time, right? You'll make sure she doesn't even get a chance to try and hurt her?"  
Owen smiles. "I will make sure she doesn't even get a chance," he promises. He kisses his daughter's forehead, and then his wife's. "I would never let anyone hurt our daughter."

He said that about his sister once too; the first time he did, in fact, she was probably the size that his daughter was now. He was just settling into his new role as big brother, still not much more than a baby himself. But with all his might, all the strength and sureness he had in his tiny little body, he was sure that he was going to protect his baby sister, for now and for always. It hurt him so deeply that he failed her, ten years ago. But he was never going to fail her again.

Teddy smiles, seeing Owen coming down the hall pushing a stroller. "Where's my niece?" she asks with a grin, reaching to take the baby from the stroller.

Owen smiles, watching his daughter and his best friend; his baby's namesake. Standing outside Megan's room, they can hear her again today. She's not quite screaming like she was yesterday, more whimpering, or something. "You ready?" Teddy asks him. He's been avoiding going in there, unsure if he could handle the person he'd find, and afraid he wouldn't feel a connection to them.

He nods simply.

He walks in in front of Teddy, Megan doesn't see them, she's staring down at her hands. Owen doesn't want to startle her, so he gently places his hand on top of hers, in her field of vision. She jumps and screams anyways, startled.

"It's me," Owen tells her softly, "It's just me, and Teddy. We bought you someone."

With wide eyes and shaky hands, Megan quiets as Teddy places the baby in her arms. "W-who's this?" she asks, awe-stricken at the infant.

"This is Thea," Owen tells her. "She's my daughter."

Megan gasps lightly, looking from him to the baby. This is the quietest she's been, the calmest, and to Owen– the most like her old self. The most like the Megan he used to know.

"W-when was she born?" Megan whispers. "She's so little."

"In January," Owen tells her, sitting on the edge of her bed gently, keeping two watchful eyes on his girls. "Her full name is Thea Megan Hunt; after Teddy and after you."

Megan's smile spreads across her face so easily with his words; his kind words and this sweet baby in her arms, she feels better than she has in days, like the raging and vengeful fire has ceased inside for now. "Oh you and your wife are so lucky," she tells him, suddenly just the littlest bit shy. "This… This is what I wanted, with Nathan. A cute little baby, who's soft, and perfect, and innocent. And she's got that baby smell to her too, like baby powder and fresh laundry. She doesn't know what a screwed up world she lives in yet. She doesn't know what's out there."

Owen nods, smiling gracefully. "I wish she could stay that small forever," he agrees.

Megan smiles and sighs just a little. "She's perfect," she settles.

Teddy sits next to Owen on the edge of the bed, the tension in her body loosening a little, seeing how at ease Megan was with the baby. She was still watching her closely, making sure Megan wouldn't lock herself up in her mind suddenly and lose touch with reality. "I think this was a good idea," she whispers to Owen.

Owen nods. "I told you it would be," he answers.

From then forward, whenever Megan was having a particularly rough day, when it felt like nothing could calm the storms that were raging on instead her, when it felt like she was going to drown herself in her own rain, strike herself with her own lightning– Owen and Thea came to the rescue. It could be anytime of night, and with only mild complaining from Amelia, they'd go over and calm her down, without even having to do anything really. It brought Megan peace, it was really the only thing that did. It was her sanctuary.

"I lub dat story," Thea tells him. "Anofer?"

"Another?" Owen laughs. "I think you've heard them all, baby."

"Jus one more," Thea pleads. "Wha about when we helped her move to her home? I like that one."

"Yeah, okay," Owen agrees. "Alright…"

"Aunty Megan!" the pudgy, bobbling toddler exclaims, pigtails bouncing as she skips into her aunt's hospital room. "Moobing day?"

Megan nods, moving her hands from the pockets of her track pants to scoop her niece up in a hug. "Moobing day baby girl," she agrees.

"Hey Meg," Owen greets her, following his daughter in. He embraces her in a cold hug; they're always cold, but they're warming up. Today, his sister moved from the inpatient psych ward at Madigan to an assisted living home for recovering female vets. It was a step in the right direction. "You ready to finally get out of here?"

She shrugs. Everything with her is a fair shade of grey, not necessarily here or there, anything great or terrible… It took Owen a lot to get used to, he wouldn't lie. He wasn't used to her walking on eggshells, he was used to her stomping and crashing and parading. But that was then, and this was now. "It'll be a lot of change," she says simply. She didn't like change.

"Good change," Owen reminds her, a hand on her arm. She's still cold to his touch, however she isn't cold to the little girl in her arms; never. Thea may have been the only person on Earth that drew some warmth out of Megan.

She acted as though she didn't hear him, instead focusing on her niece. "You're getting so big!" she remarks.

Thea nods, then wriggles to be let down. "I hab pitchurs fo yo' new woom," she tells her.

"Thank you," Megan smiles.

"Dad," Thea asks, looking at Owen. "Can me and Aunty Megan hab a sleepober t'nigh, in her new home?"

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Thea," Megan's quick to interrupt. Nighttimes still weren't very pretty (nor were most lonely daytimes) for her. Just being with her niece usually made things much better, but Megan couldn't guarantee anything, and the last thing she wanted to do was to scare her niece and make her afraid to be around her.

"Okay," Thea nods, only a little disappointed, but she moves on quickly, holding onto her aunt's hand as they walk out to the car. "Will you sit in da back wif me?" she asks.

"Of course," Megan answers.

As she always does, Thea asks a million questions. "What colour's your new woom?"

"I don't know," Megan answers honestly.

"I hope is gween," Thea answers. "Gween's my fabewit colour."

Megan smiles. When she thought of green, she thought her army greens, and residual, bittersweet pride, with a side of envy. She never used to, she used to think of flowers and trees, tranquility, and frogs that would one day turn into princes before her eyes. "Green used to be my favourite colour too," she answers simply. "I think it's blue now, though." Blue like her niece's eyes, the Hunt family blue. Blue like calm waters.

"I thought your favourite colour was pink?" Owen asks his daughter, shaking his head but smiling.

Thea shakes her head. "Too girwie," she argues. She's a wise crack for a girl almost four years old, it amazes everyone, including Megan.

"What's wrong with being girly?" she asks softly. "You're a girl aren't you? And there's nothing wrong with that. You can and you should embrace it."

It's Owen's turn to be amazed. Moments like that– that's his sister. Cheering his daughter on, chatting with her in the backseat of his truck. She's come so far in the past two years. He can only hope she'll keep progressing in her new environment, she was right earlier when she said it was going to be a big change.

"You're going to be okay here tonight?" Owen asks, before him and Thea get ready to leave. They're sitting in the courtyard, Thea fell asleep, leaning against Megan's chest. "We _can_ stay."

Not taking her eyes off her, Megan nods. "I'll be okay." She isn't sure of that at all, she can't be sure what the darkness holds. What she is sure of, is that everything is okay right now, with this tiny human curled up in her lap. Later, when she lay in her bed and looked at framed picture on the nightstand, and the crayon drawings taped to her wall, hopefully she'd still be okay. Hopefully, her sanctuary continued, even when the tiny human that brought it with her had to leave, for her own good.

Owen knocks on the door lightly, opening it anyways. "Are you up for a little visitor?" he asks, peering in at his sister with a smile on his face.

"Not you," she jokes. "I want your daughter, though."

A little body squeezes past her father in the doorway and plops on her aunt's bed. "Hi Thea," Megan laughs.

"Hi," Thea grins. "I missed you." She doesn't hug her, she's been warned to ask before hugging her. She knows how to ask without using her words now too, so her aunt leans in now and hugs her.

"I missed you too," Megan says. She looks over at Owen, standing with his hands on his pockets over by the door. "Yeah, come here, I missed you too."

"How have you been?" Owen asks. "Are you sleeping more?"

She shrugs the question off, because the answer is no. "Are you feeling calmer during the daytime, more normal?"

She shakes her head. "Are you improving at all?" Owen asks, he's getting tired of being ignored. "Megan, hello?"

She covers Thea's ears with her palms for a minute. "Most things suck, okay? Most times, I'm having a hard time. But we don't talk about it, I'm moving past it, so we don't dwell on it. That's what I'm told in therapy."

"And that's great, but we're not dwelling, we're discussing," Owen tells her gently. "I want to hear how you're doing, I want to be there for you, and with you."

"It's fine," Megan insists, uncovering Thea's ears. "I have everything I need here."

Owen sighs, a little dramatically. He'd have to let it go for now. He'd talk to her caretakers later. He always felt weary leaving Thea and Megan together just them two, though he wasn't really sure what he was afraid of.

"Did you bring that book we were reading last time?" Megan asks.

"Yup!" Thea answers, pulling a children's book out of her bag. At five years old, she wasn't reading exceptionally, but she was pretty good, and she loved to read. Children's books were fun for Megan too, they weren't too deep, they weren't scary, they were light and fun and easy. So, they read together, and it benefited both of them.

"Awesome," Megan smiles. "Where were we?"

They were reading Magic School Bus, sitting together under Megan's blanket. Her mom had knit it, Thea had a similar one on her bed. Owen was out in the hall, still within earshot, talking to her support worker about her "attitude".

"And then, Mrs. Frizzle says, 'We have to get out and crawl into–" Megan stops reading abruptly.

"Craw inta' what?" Thea whispers, watching her aunt stare at the book with vacant eyes. "Where are dey going?"

Megan shuts the book. "Somewhere really scary that we don't need to talk about," she answers squarely.

"What is it?" Thea asks, her natural curiosity getting a hold of her, now even more so that Megan seemed weary of it. She reaches for the book to read it herself, considering she can do that now, but Megan gets up quickly, knocking the book to the floor in the process.

"No!" she yells sternly. "You shouldn't be reading about that!"

Thea bites her lip to keep from crying. She'd never heard her Aunty Megan raise her voice or yell at her, she was always so gentle and kind. "I'm sowwy," she whimpers. She isn't really crying because she's sad, she's more upset and confused as to why her aunt is yelling, and scared too. She knew Aunty Megan was sick, kind of, maybe it was because of that? Either way, she doesn't like it. She opens the door to leave and find her dad, bumping into him as soon as she does.

"Babe, what's wrong?" he asks her, seeing she's crying.

She shakes her head. "Aunty Megan yelled and I gotted scayo'd."

Owen picks her up and wraps his arms around her. "What was she yelling about?"

"Somefin in our book made her upset I fink," Thea tells them.

"Okay," Owen nods. "Do you want to stay out here while I go talk to her, and then we'll go home?"

Thea nods as her feet land back on the floor. "Stand out here, don't move," Owen tells her, opening the door to Megan's room.

She's facing away from the door, looking out the window with a sweatered hand up to her face. "I'm really sorry," she says, as soon as she turns around. "I didn't mean to snap at her."

Owen nods. It's really hard not to be mad at her right now; as much as he loves her and he understands that she has some challenges, he has to protect his daughter. "I know you didn't," he tells her, "But Thea doesn't."

"I didn't mean to upset her," she says quickly.

"I know," Owen settles. "I know you didn't. What's done is done, we can't take it back. We'll try again next time, maybe with a different activity."

"I like reading with her," Megan reminds him, "I like seeing her, she's basically the one person right now who I like seeing, she makes me smile, she calms me down…"

"Not this time, Meg. This time it didn't work," Owen replies. He's a little sad, honestly. He'd hoped this wouldn't happen. He'd hoped his little mini me would always be enough to calm her down.

"Tell her I'm sorry, and it won't happen again," Megan stresses. "Please?"

Owen nods, "I will, I don't want her to be scared. We'll see you in a few weeks."

As Owen sat on his bed, telling Amelia what had happened earlier long after he'd put his daughter to bed, Amelia just shook her head.

"Don't even try to tell me you expected this to happen," Owen shuts her down.

She shrugs. "I did though," she admits. "I just expected it to happen years ago, I thought she was getting better."

"She is getting better," Owen tells her, "But recovery isn't a straight line. She has better moments and she has worse moments, and something in the book they were reading together set her off, made that moment a bad one."

"What could've triggered her about a Magic School bus book?" Amelia asks.

"I don't know what all her triggers are," Owen shrugs, "I just know she has them. And she's mostly in control of them, which has taken a lot of effort on her part. She's improving, but sometimes, she has drawbacks."

Amelia shakes her head. "I just don't want Thea to end up upset or disappointed. She loves her."

"Megan loves her too," Owen smiles. "She hasn't been that… connected, to someone, in so long. She won't connect to me that way, or our mom, or Nathan, ever since she's come back. She's so withdrawn, but something about having a relationship with her niece… I think it's really helping her."

"If Thea doesn't want to see her anymore, I don't want to force her," Amelia concludes. "I'm willing to give Megan another chance, today was just a bump in the road, it was an accident. But if our daughter isn't, I think we should respect that."

Owen nods, as his eyes flicker to a little shadow outside their door. "Hey, sweetie, come in here," he calls out.

Thea steps in quietly, coming up on the bed between her parents. "We were talking about what happened with Aunt Megan today," Amelia tells her, stroking her daughter's hair.

"You know that she didn't mean to get upset," Owen tells her.

Thea nods. "It's cause see's sick, wight?"

Her parents nod. "You know how we've talked about that," her mom starts, "how Aunt Megan's body isn't sick, but her brain is. And part of that is that some things, even though they don't seem upsetting to you, are really upsetting to her, and they can make her feel really angry, or really sad. And instead of keeping quiet about how she feels… she can't do that. So if she feels upset, like she did today, she yells, instead of using her indoor voice and talking about why she feels that way like we're supposed to. Do you understand?"

Thea nods again, biting her thumbnail.

"I know it scared you," Owen recognizes, "she's really sorry about that, she didn't mean to."

"Is okay," Thea says quietly. "It just kind of scared me."

"It can be scary," Amelia agrees. "If it upsets you, you don't have to visit anymore."

"But I wanta visit," Thea says. "I weally like visiting Aunty Megan and I like weading wif her."

"Okay," Amelia settles. "Then we just have to deal with her being sick, the way we always have."

"We can deal with that another day," Owen suggests, getting up off the bed and scooping his daughter up. "Why don't we get you back to bed, huh?"

"Okay," Thea agrees. "Night Mommy."

"Night Thea, I love you," Amelia smiles.

Next time Thea visits her aunt, she enters her room quieter than usual, reserved. Her dad follows behind her, holding her hand. He knocks with his free hand. "Knock knock," he also says, grabbing Megan's attention.

"You came back," Megan smiles. She didn't know whether or not to expect them back, at least for a while. She screwed up last time, she knew that.

"I wanted ta' so you my co-sume fo my sool play," Thea tells her. That's why she's in a lion costume, so it would appear. Megan had wondered but not minded, considering she was so cute.

"You're in the school play? That's awesome!" Megan exclaims. "Let me guess, you're a lion, and you're in Wizard of Oz?"

"How did you know?!" Thea asks, giggling.

"Cause you are the only lion ever that's even cuter than the real Cowardly Lion," Megan grins.

"Do you wanna come ta the play? It's on Fwiday, you can go wif Mommy and Daddy," Thea asks. Then she slips back into a reserved, quiet mood. "Unless it'll make you upset," she adds. "I don't wanna make you upset."

"Baby listen to me," Megan starts, pulling Thea into a backwards hug and resting her chin on her fuzzy lion head. "Nothing you do will ever make me upset, it's never your fault. I can't control my feelings sometimes, and that's my problem to deal with, it's never yours. Sometimes I just get very scared or sad and I can't control it, and nothing helps except being alone for a little bit. But, I never want me being sick to get in the way of things like coming to see your school play, or me experiencing anything with you. Okay?"

"Okay," Thea agrees. "So you'll come?"

"Yeah I'll come," Megan smiles. "Thanks for inviting me, babe."

From his spot nearby, Owen can't help but smile. This is why he fights for their time together, why he always has. This relationship _means_ something. It's a sanctuary.


End file.
